I Never Questioned it Because I Never Thought About It.

Y’all. The shit going on right now is heartbreaking. It’s not new and it is exhausting. If I’m saying that as a white woman, you know BIPOC are nearly worn down to a nub. 

Have I always paid attention to racial matters and social injustice? Nope. 

Did I notice color differences as a kid? Yep. In fact, I wanted a Black baby brother the entire time my mom was pregnant with my sister. I was a HUGE Roosevelt Franklin fan (thank you Sesame Street 💜). My grandmother got me a Black baby doll that I carried for quite a long time. Man, was I disappointed with a white sister. I told my mom we should’ve just gotten a dog. 

Was I explicitly taught to be a racist? Nope. Most likely, you weren’t either, but that doesn’t mean racism hasn’t been swirling all around us since our birth. We heard it in jokes, stories, comments & colloquialisms. We saw it on signs, posters, books, movies, and TV. Bias and stereotypes were reinforced at every turn. 

I grew up in the American South in the ’70s-’80s. Desegregation was in our rearview, but railroads still cut towns in two and left whites on one side and Black folks on the other. It was always obvious which area of town you were in. I never questioned it because I never thought about it.

I was criticized for watching Soul Train. I was told I could never date a Black boy and although my Black friends could come to my house, I could never go to theirs. I never questioned it because I never thought about it.

Gone With the Wind and “the Glorious Cause” were synonymous with The War of Northern Aggression and standing up for your beliefs. I never questioned it because I never thought about it.

Our high school cheer squad had 6 white girls and 6 Black girls. We had two homecoming queens. I never questioned it because I never thought about it.

That’s the thing about us white people. Most of us never questioned anything. We never had to. 

I can’t recall any specific actions that I ever took to hurt a Black person. I did turn in some Black girls on my dorm hall when I first moved away from home because they had our fire exit doors propped open all the time and I was worried a stranger would get in and rape us all. Was that due to unconscious bias & privilege? Yep. 

In hindsight, I would have just asked white girls to close the door and leave it closed OR I would tell. Telling someone would not have been my first resort. 

The point I want to make is that ALL white people experience privilege because we are white. My complaint about those girls who left the door open was handled immediately. Would the same have happened if they had complained about me? Nope.

Most white people think of privilege as those who are rich, successful, live in big houses, go to the best schools, drive fancy cars, and have the latest styles, gadgets, etc. so it’s sometimes hard to recognize that we have advantages. 

They think….I’m not rich. How can I be privileged? But the thing is, the poorest white person STILL has an advantage over the poorest Black person. We may no longer have two water fountains, but there are still two very distinct paths in America based simply on color. 

I admit that over the years I didn’t see the privilege & advantages that were easily accessible to me as a white person because it was clouded in misogyny, sexual harassment, unprovoked touching/name-calling, pay gaps, missed promotions, etc. This is still nothing compared to what Black women face. 

How does my personal past intersect with my personal present? Keep reading. 

I am not perfect but I have been taking intentional steps over the last few years and specifically months, to better understand how I can BE THE CHANGE.

Why?

Why did I start this journey to Anti-Racism and Allyship? Why did I want to wake up from this White Privilege and advocate for justice and equality? My son won’t be in danger because of his skin. 

What’s it to me? 

Here’s a BIG why. 

About six years ago, Jake started working with TJ Anders of ITrain Sports Performance. This family-owned business became a lifeline for him as TJ became his mentor & coach. I will forever be grateful for the love and care he gave my son. Why he needed it so much is Jake’s story for another time. 

TJ and Keocha became family. Their boys see Jake as a big brother and Jake loves them like his own siblings. Jake’s still learning from TJ as he also coaches with him part-time. 

This family is what made a difference for me. These loving, caring parents with two Black sons and a Black daughter who must worry about their children every minute of every day simply because of their skin tone and the stereotypes it invokes. 

TJ, Keocha, Elijah, Isaiah, and Hannah. 

I see their faces when I hear the stories. I ache for their pain and fear. This warm and wonderful family, along with many other BIPOC friends, students I’ve taught, families, colleagues, and advocates have helped me clearly understand what I need to do. 

Here I am. Doing what I need to do. 

I intentionally and purposely read, listen, and learn from BIPOC. 

Because ED&I (Equity, Diversity & Inclusion) matters so much, I wanted to make it a permanent part of my life and business. I will soon be a Certified Diversity Professional from The Institute of Diversity Certification through Felicia Johnson and The Gatson Group. (She’s a rockstar btw - https://www.gatsongroup.com) 

As part of the program requirements, I must submit a project, which is nearly finished. 

My project is a text-based, microlearning course for anyone, but especially white people, called Allyship 101: A Primer for the Privileged. 

Once it’s been vetted and approved, it will be available as part of The JOYFull BadAss Academy through The D&I Department.

The course is two weeks, delivered via text at the time you choose, and includes a downloadable workbook with additional info, activities, and reflection questions. 

If you’d like to be included, please complete this form (link in comments) & my team will contact you when it’s available for purchase...hopefully within the next 10-14 days, if not before. Bulk discounts are available if you want to purchase seats for a large group, organization, school, etc. 

HALF of all tuition collected will be donated to The Equal Justice Initiative, founded by Brian Stevenson, who is also the author of Just Mercy. https://eji.org 

If you have not seen Just Mercy, it’s streaming free on most platforms. Watch with a box of Kleenex. 

Y’all. We don’t choose our skin color, but we can choose how we use it. 

Contact for Keocha LaFleur Anders Women’s Wellness FB: @resetwithk 

Contact Info for TJ Anders at ITrain Sports Performance FB:@ITrainsportsperformance

#blacklivesmatter